


La Douleur Exquise

by dracoommalfoy



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Bisexual Thomas (Maze Runner), Childhood, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Newt (Maze Runner) Has a Crush, Oblivious Thomas (Maze Runner), POV Newt (Maze Runner), Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Pre-The Maze Runner, Protective Newt (Maze Runner), Slow Burn, The Fever Code - Freeform, WICKED | WCKD is Not Good, childhood at wicked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28056114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracoommalfoy/pseuds/dracoommalfoy
Summary: Newt is nine when he decides he wants answers. He gets the girl up first because his nerves light up whenever he nears the boy's door. But when he finally sees him all he feels is comfort. He trusts this kid, and he'll figure out why. He isn't stupid.His name is Thomas. But Newt calls him Tommy.Newt isn't much older when he realizes what the stupid jump in his heart every time he speaks the name "Tommy" means. He isn't stupid. Although with the way Tommy makes him feel, he's starting to think he is.His name is Tommy. But Newt calls him La Douleur Exquise.Newt has read his fair share of French tragedies. La Douleur Exquise, or, the exquisite pain of loving someone you know you can't have. Of wanting someone so bad it hurts, hurts so much he's almost grateful that his memory is wiped clean.Newt is seventeen when a familiar boy with hazel eyes boring into his own comes up in the box. Newt knows him. He can't remember how, but he can feel his heart beat when he looks at him. He isn't stupid.
Relationships: Newt & Thomas (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), Teresa Agnes/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 95





	1. only dull people are brilliant at breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> so in honor of newt being confirmed gay and just because i've shipped newtmas for five years and haven't written anything about them, i'm writing this :) 
> 
> it's basically a childhood fic set during the time period of the fever code. it's loosely based on the fever code plot, but i'm also going to be coming up with my own stuff along the way. 
> 
> and since i'm a sucker for angst and pining there definitely is that (especially since this is in newt's pov), but i also didn't want to write it during the maze trilogy story line because i can't bring myself to work with the end of death cure...
> 
> anyways, get ready for some childhood newtmas +co and enjoy :)

_**I** _

The boy had never known cold before the facility. He also would say he'd never known fear, but fear has been the one constant in his short life. Seven years old, yet here was his little sister grabbing _his_ hand and comforting _him_. 

Squeezing Lizzy's hand in response, he wondered if he'd ever stop living in fear.

Also, if he'd ever stop shivering.

The men in the weird suits aimed their weird hoses at the boy and his sister, and this time he instinctively took a step in front of Lizzy. He didn't know if the hoses were dangerous, but the burden of watching both of his parents get shot was still too fresh in his mind to not try to protect her at least a little.

The boy shook his head and blinked as the image of his parents falling, blood blossoming like flowers that didn't grow anymore on their shirts surfaced. He pushed those to the back of his head. Now was not the time to deal with it.

Lizzy held her brother's hand tightly as the hoses shot a fog at them, enveloping the pair into a cloud of mist that seemed to bite at their skin. Lizzy sniffled somewhere behind the boy, but before he could turn to comfort her, he was pulled away from her.

"No! _Lizzy_!" He screamed, fighting against the unnaturally strong arms pulling him in the opposite direction of his sister. He could hear her calling his name, but the fog was too thick, too strong, too painful. He blinked, and Lizzy and the guard holding her were nowhere to be seen. They had went down the opposite hall, the mist too intense to see through.

"Lizzy," The boy whimpered, finally giving up struggling as he inhaled another lungful of the mist, the effects finally taking place. His eyelids drooped and he could practically feel his tense muscles relaxing.

The guard tossed the boy over his shoulder like a rag doll, the plastic sheet of his hazmat suit revealing the pitiful expression he gave the blonde haired kid in his arms.

"It's alright, kid. You're safe now."

\- - -

Isaac. That was the name they were telling him to accept. They expected him to just abandon the one his loving parents had given him, the one he'd lived with for seven years. And replace it with _Isaac_. 

"Isaac what?" The boy asked, aware how different his voice sounded compared to the adults he'd spoken to so far. They all let their _a_ 's fall quite flat. He relished in the thought that his voice sounded much fancier than theirs did.

The man, Randall, gave the boy a look of confusion mixed with irritation. "What?"

Glaring at the adult, the boy refrained from rolling his eyes. "You want to give me a new name? At least give me a full one. Isaac what? What's the last name?"

Randall's irritated expression morphed to one that seemed impressed. It was then he decided he never wanted to impress this man ever again. That would mean he would be thinking like him, and the boy didn't want to do that.

"Newton. Isaac Newton."

He let out a laugh before realizing the man was serious. "Newt? That's a lizard or something. You can't _possibly_ expect me to forget my real name in favor to _Isaac Newton_."

The impressed look Randall had was instantly taken over by another one of irritation and anger. "Alright, kid. I'm done playing around now. You aren't the first I've had to do this too, so don't expect any mercy on my part."

It was then that the young boy figured out what all the wires attached to him in the chair did. He let out a scream of agony as any feeling besides pure _pain_ washed through him. It forced its way to the boy's brain, and he caught the quick uncomfortable look on Randall's face before all he knew was black.

"What's your name?

"Not Isaac bloody Newton, that's for sure."

A sigh. A crank of a lever. Pain. Screams. Black.

"What's your name?"

"Isaac, fine! It's Isaac."

"You don't believe it and neither do I."

"No, please-"

The boy almost wished they'd left him in the house with his dead parents instead of this.

"What's your name?"

"Isaac... it's Isaac..."

"Let's make sure you remember it."

"Please-" He could only whisper.

"What's your name?"

"Newt."

Gritted teeth. An act of rebelliousness while still conforming.

Anything to stop that awful pain.

Anything to prove he wouldn't give in completely.

Not ever.

Silence on Randall's end. The boy slowly lifted his head, ignoring the bolts of pain that shot down his neck. He saw Randall's eyebrows up in surprise, as well as the impressed lift to his mouth the boy wished would go away.

"Okay. Newt. We can work with that."

The boy dropped his head again, letting out a relieved breath.

"Just so you remember that's as far as I'll let that rebellion go."

He'd never known what a cell looked like. But his father had told him the storylines to some of his favorite crime movies. He'd explained how cells were small and had barred windows and a piece of metal jutting out of the wall for a bed.

He had a real bed. But there wasn't even a window. He figured his room looked quite like a cell. 

"Bloody hell, Newt, stop being so picky," the boy whispered to himself. "At least you're alive."

Something about his sentence made him freeze during his walk to the bed. Something about his sentence struck him as odd, as _wrong_. He couldn't place his finger on what exactly it was, though.

Shaking his head, Newt dropped onto his bed and closed his eyes.

\- - -

Newt knew not to ask about Lizzy. He knew that if he did, he'd get the same pain he got before. And every time he racked his brain to try and remember why exactly that pain had occurred, he came up empty.

But that didn't mean he couldn't think about Lizzy. He thought about her every day, even though he'd only been in the strange facility for a little over a week. He wondered if she was alone in a cell-like room, too, or if she had company.

He wondered if they had tortured her like they had tortured him.

The dark thoughts stopped when there was a knock on his door. A woman opened it, a women with bright eyes that made Newt's tense posture fall every so slightly. "Hello, Newt," the woman smiled a little.

Newt said nothing.

"My name is Dr. Paige. And I think you're really going to like what I'm about to say."

Dr. Paige stepped back and held the door open, almost as if allowing Newt out. But he didn't get his hopes up. Not yet.

"You don't have to stay alone here anymore, Newt. I'm taking you to meet a few of the other kids that you will be staying with."

 _Will_ stay with. Not _can_ stay with. Newt didn't have a choice in the matter, as much as Dr. Paige's tone may have made it seem like he did. But Newt was okay with that. He hadn't bothered admitting it to himself, but he was dying to see someone other than the stone-faced doctors. 

"Okay," Newt said quietly, sliding off his bed and standing up.

Dr. Paige smiled and as soon as Newt left the room, started leading the way down the hallway.

Newt didn't know hallway, exactly, but he didn't think it actually mattered. They all looked the same. They all consisted of white walls and a few paintings and chilly linoleum floors and not a single window.

His mind started to drift back to the day his life went to hell. The day his mother had woken them up and pointed excitedly at the snow falling outside. The day his parents-

No. No, it was dangerous to let his mind wander into the past. Best to do what the doctors suggested. Best to just forget.

Newt's heartbeat sped up as he and Dr. Paige rounded a corner, only to be met with a large cafeteria with a few groups of other kids Newt's age. Some were a little younger, some a little older, but all relatively around the same.

Suddenly his mouth was dry with nerves. He hadn't ever really had a friend besides Lizzy. Before being taken here, he had lived with his family, away from the crazies in the streets. And he'd been alone for the past week or so.

But Dr. Paige was pushing him forward, so he swallowed and took a few tentative steps into the room. The groups were picking at their breakfast, chatting aimlessly to each other.

"Hi!" Newt took a step back in surprise as a boy with black hair and Asian features walked right up to him. "My name's Minho. What group are you in?"

"Uhh..." Newt trailed off, having no clue what Minho was going on about. He turned to look up at Dr. Paige who addressed Minho when she spoke.

"Minho, this is Newt. He's in Group A, your group. I trust that you'll help him settle in and feel comfortable?" Dr. Paige raised her eyebrows, and Minho nodded quickly. "Okay. Goodbye, Newt, I'm sure I'll see you soon."

Newt watched her leave, then turned back to Minho, who was watching her, too. "She's nice," Minho shrugged. "But she's lying when she says she'll see you soon. She just takes everyone to their group and then goes to work with her favorite kid."

Frowning, Newt decided he had a lot to ask the black haired boy. He ran them through his mind to decide on one. "Who's her favorite kid?"

Minho just shrugged again and began walking towards the table with the smallest group. Newt quickly fell in step next to him. "Dunno. Only saw him once, walking in the hall with Dr. Paige. He didn't see me, though. But I've never seen him again."

"Is he sick?" Newt asked, thinking that that was the only thing that was the only reason as to why a boy wouldn't be with the rest of the kids.

"Nah, he seemed fine. They don't let sick kids in here, anyways. Now come on, I've got to introduce you to everyone. Got to be your mom for a few days and make you feel at home."

Although Newt knew he was joking, Minho slung an arm around his shoulders and Newt let himself grin a little.

Yeah. He could tell he and Minho were going to be friends.

\- - -

  
"I will beat the _crap_ out of you Minho, give it back!"

Newt rolled his eyes and looked up from where he was laying on his bunk bed, only to see Minho giggling like a little girl and running around the room with a shoe in his hand. Alby's shoe, Newt figured, from the way the dark skinned boy was yelling at Minho.

He tried to focus back on the book French he was reading. He was only eight, but he had nothing better to do in the times where he wasn't in class or getting tests done or eating in the cafeteria, so he decided to teach himself French.

Although he hadn't gotten very far. He never does when Minho's in an energetic mood. And that happens to be almost every other night. Newt sighed and closed his book, tossing it down on the bed as he sat up.

"Bloody hell, Minho, would you just give Alby is bleeding shoe back?" Newt groaned. 

Minho did what he always did. He laughed at Newt's slang.

Newt never did figure out why his voice was the only different one in the entire building.

But laughing at Newt slowed him down a little, allowing Alby to grab the shoe out of Minho's hand and slide it on.

"Sorry Mama Newt," Minho teased, jumping off of the bed he was standing on to put his own shoes on. Everyone else in the room was getting ready. They had another test today, although this one was apparently different than the hundred other ones.

In the year he'd been at the facility and joined Minho and the other boys in Group A, Newt had risen up to be the reassuring figure in the group. Almost a leader of sorts, but Newt liked to let that full title fall to Alby.

Before Newt could retaliate, the door to their room opened, and an unfamiliar doctor appeared. "Come on, boys. Time for testing."

"They don't even try to comfort us anymore," Alby grumbled. Newt glanced at the doctor, but he either didn't hear Alby, or chose to ignore him. Ever since Alby turned ten he decided to say things like that under his breath.

Sliding his own shoes on, Newt followed Alby and a newer boy named Winston from the room, Minho and the others trailing after. As the group followed the strange doctor, Newt realized they were going into a wing that they'd never been in before.

"Er-" Newt cleared his throat. "Where are we going?"

The doctor glanced down at Newt, looking slightly uncomfortable at the question. "Today's project is very important. We have a lot riding on it. I can't say much more about it."

That was fine. Newt didn't want to hear the man's speak any more than he had to, really. The doctor spoke in the same monotone voice all the adults had around here. Minho liked to imitate them for it.

Dr. Paige was the only one that hadn't spoken like that. But Newt hadn't seen her since getting dropped off at the cafeteria. Minho was right. She never comes back.

There was Randall, too. But Newt liked to pretend that man didn't exist.

The group arrived to a hallway lined with closed doors. The doctor began separating them into pairs, and Newt grew nervous when his name was said alone. He looked down the hall at Minho, who was standing with Alby by a door. Minho shrugged, like always.

"What about me?" Newt raised his hand slightly, like in the classrooms. "Who am I going with?"

That strange uncomfortable look came over the doctors face again. "Doesn't matter. The pairs are only the people in the room, you won't actually be interacting with them anyways."

And with that, the doors opened to reveal more doctors, and the boys were led into the rooms. Newt gulped and stepped into his room alone. There were two hospital beds with matching equipment, and a curtain splitting the room down the middle. 

Newt saw his name on the screen near one bed and turned to look at the name near the other.

He saw the letter _T_ before the curtain was pulled closed.

The next time Newt woke up, he was back in his own bed in Group A's room, and his head was killing him. He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. After looking around, he saw that all the other boys were sleeping. All but Minho, who sat on his bed uncharacteristically quiet, deep in thought.

Newt carefully got up and sat down next to him, nudging his shoulder with his own. Minho slowly turned to look at him. "What, Minho? You never shut up but now you can't spit it out?" Newt whispered, teasing the boy.

He got a grin from Minho before the boy explained.

"Remember last year when we first met? I told you about the boy who never joined our group? The one I saw once and never saw again?"

Newt frowned in confusion, but nodded.

Minho took a deep breath. 

"I saw him again."


	2. life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt shoved his worries to the side and took a deep breath, yanking open the door.
> 
> There he was. His hand outstretched as if he had just been about to open the door himself. Mouth opened loosely in surprise, brown hair hanging over his eyes.
> 
> Before he knew what was happening, a wide, shit-eating grin spread across Newt's face.
> 
> "Hey, I'm Newt."

**_II_ **

"Now are you going to tell me why you're falling asleep in your cereal or leave that to me to figure out?" Newt laughed as he grabbed Minho's hair and pulled his head out of his cereal bowl. For the past week or so, Minho had been sleeping at breakfast and drowsy in classes. Newt had tried to stay up at night to figure out why he was so tired, but always ended up falling asleep before anything happened.

Minho groaned and wiped Cheerios and milk off his face before turning to Newt and Alby, who sat on the other side of Newt, studying Minho with an amused expression. "I think I found it," Minho whispered.

Newt looked to Alby, who looked just as clueless as Newt felt. "Found... what?"

The only answer Newt and Alby got was a grin. Then, the guards in the cafeteria were rounding the groups up and sending them to their classes. Newt let his eyes wander to Group B, where he saw Lizzy chatting with a few other girls.

All of the others in Group B were girls. Newt was okay with that.

Lizzy never looked at Newt. Newt wasn't sure if she was too scared to, since the doctors had most likely had told her to forget him, just as they had told him to forget her.

Or, even worse, he wondered if she had actually forgotten him. She was only five when taken, and in the past two and a half years, she'd been through a lot, and hadn't seen or talked to him since. It was very likely that she _did_ forget him.

"Newt, move, or I'm stepping on your heels," Minho threatened from behind him. Newt rolled his eyes and started walking towards the history room, Group A's first class of the day. And the most boring. To others. Newt enjoyed it. He enjoyed learning about the world that lived before he did.

Once they were in the hallway, Minho stepped up to walk next to Alby, Newt on the other side of him. "Tonight, guys. Tonight we're going exploring," Minho told the other two in a low voice.

That got Newt's attention. He leaned past Alby to raise an eyebrow at Minho. "How exactly do you plan on doing that?"

"Don't worry, Mama Newt, Minho's got it all figured out," Minho winked.

"Don't talk about yourself in third person," Alby shook his head, but there was an amused glint in his eyes.

And suddenly it clicked. "That's where you've been going!" Newt exclaimed, and Minho nodded. "What've you done? Mapped out a route or something?"

Minho gave them his signature move, a shrug, before explaining a little. "Sort of. I've just gone around a bit, scoped out the area to see what's around. Didn't really go look at anything too closely yet, wanted to wait to do that with you guys. But I found a little maintenance room no one uses that we can just hang out in."

Newt was nodded halfway through the explanation. He was growing incredibly bored with the daily routine of meals, tests, and schooling. If Minho found a way for them to do something exciting, he was all for it.

"Good that. I'm in."

Minho grinned, then looked at you. "What about you Albs?"

Alby glared at the nickname, but slowly grinned, too. "I'm in."

Later that night, when they were sure all the other boys in the room were asleep, the trio headed out into the hallways. Newt was so giddy he actually giggled once or twice. Or three times. 

"Newt, laugh again and I swear to God we're aborting this mission."

"Sorry, Alby," Newt whispered, and Minho clamped a hand over Newt's mouth to stop another laugh from spilling out.

"Okay, Minho, where are we going first?" Alby asked quietly, not wanting to draw attention from guards or doctors to them. Minho only responded with a smirk and an excited gleam in his eyes.

They stayed as quiet as they could as Minho led the way through the halls, not wanting to get caught and sent back to the barracks of Group A. Newt recognized the paintings on the walls as the ones near the school rooms.

"Minho, I don't think school rooms at night are as cool as you might think," Newt grinned as Minho rolled his eyes.

"I'm not taking you to the _school rooms_ , what's that word you use? Right- _twat_."

Newt let out a small laugh and continued to follow Minho, ignoring Alby's exasperating sigh. They were led past the school rooms and to the hallways on the other side of them, where Newt realized he'd never been before.

Minho stopped at a pair of doors in a hallway to the left of the school rooms and stopped in front of them. Newt and Alby blinked at the doors, then back to Minho, confused.

"Remember the boy I've seen twice but never actually out and about?" Minho whispered. Newt nodded, his heartbeat increasing. "I found him."

And with that, he nodded at the doors.

Newt opened his mouth to say something, but found that he could quite think of the right words. So he stepped forward, looking at the placard on the door. It had a name and a number on it, and Newt's heart almost stopped when he read the name on the door.

**_Thomas_ **

_32K_

"Minho..." Newt trailed off, not even realizing that his finger had come up to trace the letters on the door. "When we got tested, and I didn't have a partner in the rooms..."

He finally drew his gaze away from the door and back to his friends, looking between Minho and Alby. 

"It was him. It was Thomas in the room with me."

\- - -

The night Minho took them outside was a night Newt would remember forever.

He hadn't been outside since the guards from WICKED had taken in him and Lizzy. Since snow fell for the first time after the sun flares. Since his parents were killed right before his eyes.

Newt decided the memory he made tonight of being outside would be much better than that one.

"Minho, you're kicking dust in my eyes!"

"Alright, _sorry_ , old man!"

Newt laughed and shook his head at Alby and Minho's bickering. It had become a new constant in his life, yet one he found he didn't want to live without. He kept his head down as he climbed up the ladder after his friends, not wanting the dust in his own eyes.

He knew they had reached the top when a cool breeze of air washed over him. Newt's head snapped up to see Minho lifting a trapdoor up. Newt breathed in a sharp intake of air when he saw the inky black sky above them.

Because there were stars.

And that was when he knew he'd never take the stars for granted again.

Minho had already climbed out onto the roof and was smiling down at Alby and Newt. "Come on- what is it, Newt? Tossers? Come on, tossers!"

This time Newt couldn't care less about Minho mocking his phrases. He climbed out after Alby and stood up on the roof of the facility, turning in a slow circle, still staring up at the stars. There were _so many_.

"Alright?" A hand squeezed his shoulder lightly, and Newt looked to the side to see Alby smiling at him. Alby rarely smiled, and the sight of it made Newt break out into a wide grin.

"Amazing," Newt confirmed, then glanced at Minho, who was watching Alby and Newt's reaction with a prideful smirk.

Minho walked over to the ledge at the end of the roof and nodded out to the vast forest that stretched out behind the facility. "We could escape. It's not like they'd risk their own health by coming after us."

Newt and Alby joined him and Newt shook his head. "Yeah, you two go on. I'd rather not turn into a buggin' crank if ya don't mind, though." Although he said it in a joking tone, the weight of the words were heavy on his shoulders.

Last year one of the doctors had informed Newt that he wasn't immune to the Flare like majority of the other kids were. He wouldn't say he was surprised, though. Some part of the back of his kind of figured that out when he remembered that WICKED had originally come to his house for Lizzy, and only took him because his parents had died.

After that lovely statement, the three spent around ten more minutes in silence, just breathing in the fresh air and enjoying the outdoors in their own ways. 

Alby was the first to stand, glancing down at the watch on his wrist. "Come on, guys. We need _some_ sleep. Don't we have a math test tomorrow?"

"Who cares?" Newt whispered, staring longingly out at the treeline.

But Minho was standing up now, too. "Alby's right, Newt. Too much of a good thing isn't really a good thing."

He was right. Newt knew that. The longer he stayed outside the more he dreaded going inside. But _not_ going inside wasn't an option. The only reason he was alive was because of WICKED. So he let out a long sigh and stood, following his friends back down the ladder.

\- - -

It was a normal thing for Minho to say things without any context, and it was normal for Newt to figure out what the bloody hell he was talking about sooner or later.

It wasn't a normal thing, however, for Minho to come rushing into the cafeteria at breakfast, slap a hand on Newt's shoulder, and tell him exactly what the plan for tonight was.

"You, me, Alby. We're gonna see him. And her. We're getting them out of those rooms."

And Newt knew exactly who Minho was talking about. He hadn't stopped thinking about the boy behind the door since his fingers grazed the placard on the outside of his room. He wanted more than anything to meet him.

Newt nodded vigorously, suddenly too excited to finish his food. He knew classes were going to be a drag since all he could think about was later that night. Alby leaned across Newt to look at Minho.

"What if they freak out?" Alby questioned.

But Minho shook his head. "Nah, the boy seems cool. He won't freak out."

"You know, just because you're the only one who's seen him doesn't mean you actually _know_ him. Or what he's like," Newt rolled his eyes.

This just drew a low whistle out from Minho. "Don't be jealous, Mama Newt. You'll soon see him for yourself."

The guards began corralling the groups to their assigned classrooms, and the whole way there, Newt thought about how he was most certainly _not_ jealous.

Newt was too nervous to giggle this time. He was stony silent as him, Minho, and Alby made their way to the maintenance room that they used as a base of some sorts. They all settled down on the makeshift chairs that consisted of overturned buckets, a stool, and a work bench.

"Okay, this is the first time those two are probably going to see anyone else besides each other, so maybe we all shouldn't go. Wouldn't want to freak them out," Alby suggested, and Minho nodded in agreement.

Newt saw Minho open his mouth, and quickly jumped in. "Me. I'll do it."

He watched as Minho looked to Alby. Newt held his breath, waiting, then sighed in relief when Alby nodded.

"Good that. Just remember, no dilly-dallying. We don't want to get our new friends caught on their first night out."

Once he was sure the coast was clear, Newt set out, Alby's words echoing in his head. _Our new friends_. A small grin broke out on his face, and his speed increased, suddenly very ready to go meet the boy and girl behind the doors.

Just as he rounded the corner, a doctor walked out of a lab, looking down at her paperwork. Newt quickly ducked into an alcove, holding his breath as she walked by. Luckily, it was too dark and she was too distracted, and Newt wasn't seen.

There they were. 31K and 32K. He quietly walked over to 31K, deciding that he was less nervous to meet the girl. Wasn't that not normal? He heard Minho commenting on the Group B girls all the time, but Newt found he couldn't care less about them.

Shrugging, Newt shook his head to clear his mind, then knocked on the girl's door. In less then a minute, she pulled it open.

Both were frozen for a moment, taking each other in. Newt had a good foot on her, height wise, at least. Her eyes were the bluest thing Newt had ever seen, and as he took in her long black hair, he wondered how anyone could ever deal with that. No, he'd keep his blonde locks short.

"I'm Newt," he broke the growing silence, holding out his hand. "You're Teresa, and tonight's your lucky night. Get dressed, I've got to show you something."

The corners of her mouth twitched up in a hidden smile, and there was an excited glow in her eyes. "Okay. One minute," she nodded, and closed the door to change. Newt turned towards the second door, his heart pounding.

 _Why_? Why was he so nervous to meet this boy? It was most likely because he had been so close, had been tested in the bed right next to him, yet had never seen him.

Newt shoved his worries to the side and took a deep breath, yanking open the door.

There he was. His hand outstretched as if he had just been about to open the door himself. Mouth opened loosely in surprise, brown hair hanging over his eyes.

Before he knew what was happening, a wide, shit-eating grin spread across Newt's face.

"Hey, I'm Newt. And I know bloody well who you are. Which is why we've decided to finally snag you. Come on, I want to show you something."

He just stared up at Newt (since he was about two inches shorter), his hazel eyes wide and calculating. Even though Newt had only seen him for the first time two seconds ago, he could read this boy like an open book. He could read him better than anyone else.

"I see those gears turning, Tommy," Newt grinned, aware of how easily the nickname slipped past his lips. "Don't you trust me?"

Thomas blinked, finally finding his words. "Newt."

Newt froze at that. He felt his own eyes widen as he stared at Thomas. "You... you know who I am?"

"Sort of? When I got tested... I had to see who was next to me. It was this weird urge. And I pulled the curtain and you were there, sleeping in the bed, and your name was on sign. Newt," Thomas exclaimed quickly.

So it wasn't just Newt feeling the odd gravitational pull towards Thomas. Thomas felt it, too.

Newt grinned. "Well, come on then. Time to properly meet."

Thomas followed Newt out into the hallway, just as Teresa stepped out of her own room. Newt frowned internally when he saw Thomas's tense shoulders relax at the sight of her. He couldn't blame him, he supposed. If this happened to him and Minho was Teresa, he'd be glad to have someone familiar, too.

"We've heard about the two of you," Newt told the two as he watched them share a confused look. "And those kids Aris and Rachel."

"What's going on?" Thomas asked. "Are you sure this is okay? What if we get caught?"

Newt laughed a little and shook his head and Thomas's questions. "Don't be such a worrywart. If they catch us, what're they gonna do? Lock you up in your room?"

Thomas looked at Teresa again, and they seemed to have a silent argument before Teresa looked back at Newt.

"Good point. Let's go," she started to step forward, but then stopped. "Wait, where are we going again?"

Newt laughed through his nose and smirked. "First things first. Let's meet Alby and Minho."

\- - -

"Newt?"

Newt's head snapped up from his hand, where he'd been resting it, deep in thought.

"I asked you what the main purpose of the Flat Trans is."

"I don't know, sir."

The teacher sighed and turned to ask someone else, and Minho leaned closer from his desk, next to Newt's. "Hey, man. What's up?"

Rubbing his eyes, Newt shrugged. "I'm not really sure. It just... it feels like there's something missing. Someone missing."

Minho made a point of looking around the classroom, where all the desks were occupied by a boy from Group A. "Yeah... everyone's here, Newt."

 _Tommy_.

"Not everyone. Tommy should be here," Newt muttered.

Now Minho was looking at him weirdly. "You just met that kid last night, and only for an hour or so. He's never even been in a classroom with us. What do you mean, he should _be here_?" 

"I don't know, I don't know," Newt shook his head. "Having him a part of our group felt so natural... I guess I just got used to it. Even if it was only for an hour."

And it was the truth. Newt had laughed with Thomas and explored with him and trusted him enough to show him his sister when they had visited the Group B barracks. There was just something about him that Newt felt comfortable with. Safe with.

Minho just shrugged and turned back to his work. "You'll see him next week."

One week. One whole, long week until Newt could see his new friend again.

\- - -

Minho had a new friend. Not new, exactly, but... new.

His name was Gally and Newt didn't know how he felt about him. He didn't really need to form an opinion, though, seeing as Gally never hung out with Minho, Newt, and Alby. He just caught Minho and Gally whispering during later hours.

Newt didn't push. He knew if Minho wanted to share, he would, and he would do it whenever he felt was right.

But again, he didn't have an opinion on the matter.

He had many opinions on school, though, and how much he hated it. After zoning out again, he'd been forced to stay later for history to make up the work he'd missed. On top of having to stay, he barely could stay focused enough during his make up time, too.

"Bloody hell," he sighed to himself as he entered the hallway, planning to head to the cafeteria where everyone else was for dinner.

Something stopped him from doing so.

"Tommy?" He asked, looking at the boy that exited the classroom next to him. Hazel eyes met brown, and Newt grinned. "Hey, there, stranger!"

Thomas's tired face instantly brightened after seeing his friend. Newt and the others were still meeting once a week, but Newt always found that the few hours spent with Thomas was never enough. The boy had such big ideas and thoughts and Newt wanted to hear every single one of them.

"Newt, hey! Why are you here?" Thomas walked over to him, and they fell in step next to each other, going down the hall.

"Had to stay back to make up work. What about you?"

Thomas frowned a little. "This is my normal class time. I hate it, really. I can always hear you guys in the cafeteria and just wish I was with you. I get meals alone in my room."

Newt frowned, too. Suddenly, he stopped walking, an idea forming in his head. "Well, we don't want that, now, do we? I've got a plan, just stay here, alright?"

"Newt, what-"

"Stay here."

And with that, Newt sped off down the hallway towards the back room of the cafeteria. He'd only been in it a few times with Minho and Alby when they snagged some food, but he knew no one would be in it right now. He managed to grab a few of the best snacks before heading back out to the hall he left Thomas in.

The look on the other boy's face when Newt rounded the corner was priceless. "Newt! Did- did you just steal all that?"

Smirking, Newt nodded gleefully. "No eating alone today, Tommy. I'll keep ya company."

Thomas let out a laugh, and together, the pair made their way back to Thomas's room. Newt had never actually been inside, he'd only seen it from the hallway when retrieving Thomas from his room. It was dull and not very personalized. The atmosphere made Newt quite sad.

"I'm guessing you don't have many good memories in this place," Newt said quietly, dumping the food onto Thomas's bed as Thomas sat down in his desk chair.

"Yeah... not really," Thomas sighed.

Newt grabbed a bag of chips and threw them at Thomas, who caught them easily. "Well, let's make one, yeah?"

At those words, Thomas perked up, which only made Newt grin. "What do you have in mind?" Thomas asked.

"Well, I was supposed to wait to show you since Minho said we were going to take everyone tomorrow night, but I think me and you can go now. Follow me. And take the food," Newt stood and headed to the door. Thomas looked confused, but grabbed his food and followed.

Luckily, Newt easily remembered the way to the ladder Minho had took him to that led to the roof. Nothing made him happier than being outside, being even a _little_ free from this place, and he figured Thomas would enjoy it too.

As they started to climb, Newt called down, "Watch your eyes. This thing isn't the cleanest."

Thomas coughed. "Yeah, got that."

Newt just laughed and kept climbing.

Finally, they made it to the top, and Newt was able to push open the trap door. The amazing rush of fresh air hit them when it opened, and he quickly climbed out onto the roof. He looked down at Thomas, who was on the last rung of the ladder, staring up at the evening sky in amazment.

"Come on now, Tommy. It'll look much better out here," Newt smiled, and held out his hand. Thomas took it, and Newt pulled him out on the roof.

Everything Thomas was seeing was also new to Newt. He had only been out here in the middle of the night, only seen black sky and stars. But now, around dinner time, the sky was an array of colors due to the setting sun. There was blue and orange and pink and yellow and red and it was the most beautiful thing Newt had ever seen.

"This is _amazing_ ," Thomas breathed quietly, eyes transfixed as the bright orange dot that was the sun.

"Told you it would cheer you up," Newt grinned a little, but was too busy staring at how the last drops of light illuminated the green trees to see Thomas's reaction. "First time I came out here I used the same word to describe it. Not sure if there's a better suitable one."

"You've been out here before?"

Newt finally turned back to Thomas, who was looking at him now. "Yeah, Minho took us once during night. You could see every star in the sky. Don't worry, I think he plans on taking us tomorrow. But... but this is much better," Newt explained, gesturing to the colorful sky.

Until the sun had set completely, the two sat in a peaceful silence, occasionally breaking it to make a joke or two. Newt had never felt at such peace as he did right now, watching the sunset with Thomas. If it was Alby, he'd be bugged about getting inside on time. If it was Minho, there wouldn't _be_ peaceful silence. If it was Teresa, there would be _awkward_ silence. 

But not with Tommy.

With Tommy there was always just... mutual understanding. Always. Thomas could tell when Newt was upset and thinking about his sister. Newt could tell when Thomas was stressed about something the doctors were making him and Teresa do. They could read each other like the most open of books. Newt more so than Thomas, but, still.

"Alright," Newt said quietly, standing and stretching. "I wish I didn't have to say this, but time to go in. Don't want to get you in trouble."

"Me?" Thomas asked as he also stood. "What about you?"

Newt let out a bitter laugh as he began to climb down the ladder. "You're special, Tommy. Not to me, of course," he teased, and saw Thomas roll his eyes. "But to the doctors. I know you haven't explained anything, but I can tell you and Teresa have something you're working on. Me? I mean, I'm not even immune. They're just keeping me here because they feel obligated to after killing my parents."

Thomas stopped moving on the ladder, and looked down at Newt. "You're.... you're not immune?"

"No. I thought you knew?"

"No, no I... I just assumed everyone was."

Newt jumped down to the ground after the last rung, Thomas stepping down next to him.

"You assumed wrong," Newt grinned, but Thomas still looked upset. "Tommy, hey, don't cry to your mommy about it. I'm inside. I'm safe. I won't catch it. You don't have to worry about me going all crank on you, yeah?"

Even though he meant everything lightheartedly, Thomas had a dead serious look in his eyes when he held out his hand. "Promise?"

"Tommy- are you seriously asking fro a pinky promise right now?"

"Newt, promise me I won't ever have to lose you to that disease."

Sensing how much passion was behind Thomas's words, Newt nodded and linked his pinky with Thomas's.

"I promise."

\- - -

They got caught. It was only inevitable, really, but terrible all the same. Newt had never, ever, considered himself lucky for not being immune until the night they got caught.

He was separated from his friends, and managed to catch Randall's words before being whisked away.

"Take the rest of them to the Crank Pits."

So, yeah. Newt considered himself lucky enough to not have to be thrown into a room full of cranks. However, that small elated feeling went away as soon as he saw the looks of horror on all of his friends' faces.

"Come on. Need to get you in the showers and make sure you don't get sick."

Newt was about to argue with the guard that he'd been outside plenty of times before and hadn't gotten sick, but then realized that probably wouldn't be the really strong argument he thought it was.

So he stayed quiet as he washed himself rid of anything from the outside, mentally preparing him to not see another sunset in a very long time, if ever again. 

Nothing he did, however, could prepare him for not seeing Thomas again.

In all of the late night's events, the thought that WICKED would stop him, Minho, and Alby from seeing Thomas and Teresa hadn't even crossed his mind. But then, when he realized that they wouldn't let them sneak out again, he realized how stupid he'd've been to not think of that.

"It's okay," Minho said, though miserably, one night. "I mean... we only knew them for a few weeks. The three of us have always been together. It'll be like old times, right?"

Newt said nothing, staring at the page of his book but not actually reading.

"I'm sure we'll see them again soon. WICKED just has to get over their anger first," Alby offered.

They were trying to make him feel better. He didn't need cheering up, he wasn't some kid separated from his parents anymore. Their condescending tones only angered him, and he made it clear by closing his book, turning on his side, and turning the light off.

Minho and Alby just sighed.

Almost a month had passed, and Newt, Minho, and Alby still hadn't seen their friends. Newt tried not to think about Thomas and Teresa, because when he did, his heart felt heavy. He missed his friends. He missed Teresa's sassy replies to Minho's jabs and he missed Thomas's brilliant ideas.

But he missed his sister more.

Luckily, he was still able to see her. But he knew the consequences for getting caught seeing her would be far more dire than getting caught with Thomas and Teresa. But he made it work. Once a month he snuck into the Group B barracks, after finding out the Lizzy did remember him-

 _"Newt how could you even say that? Of_ course _I remember you, I love you! You're my big brother."_

With the help of one of Lizzy's friends, Miyoko, Newt had set up a dark tunnel hidden behind a panel in the wall that led right into one of the closets in Group B. He had taken Minho and Alby with him once to meet Lizzy, but afterwards decided it was less risky for him to just go alone.

He pushed against the closet door, and quietly stepped out. Miyoko was there, tense and ready for an attacker, but relaxed when she saw it was just Newt. "I'll go get Sonya," she sighed, and walked off.

 _Lizzy_ , he corrected in his head. He'd said it out loud the first few times, but it only made his sister wince and Miyoko roll her eyes, so Newt decided it was best to leave the correcting to his head.

His thoughts were interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around his neck. He smiled and hugged Lizzy back, so tightly it probably hurt. Tears stung his vision, just like they always did when he saw her.

Once they got past the set of tears that always started their meetings, Lizzy led him to her bunk, where they sat and talked.

"I heard a group of kids got caught. That wouldn't happen to be you, now would it?" She teased, and Newt grinned sadly.

"Yeah, that's me alright. I haven't seen Thomas or Teresa since, and it's killing me. I miss them a lot."

Lizzy glanced at Miyoko, sharing a look Newt couldn't read, which annoyed him greatly. He was a master at reading people. 

"What's that look about?" He asked accusingly.

"Tell you when you're older," Miyoko winked, and Newt rolled his eyes.

Laughing, Lizzy turned back to her brother. "Just... be careful, okay? I know Minho will have you guys sneaking back out again in no time, but I don't want you getting in so much trouble that they throw you out of here."

"I'd be better off out there. At least I wouldn't be a prisoner. I hate it here."

A stern look filled Lizzy's eyes as she took Newt's hand. Part of him could remember a time from before WICKED where his mother would give him and his father the same stern look when they stayed up too late talking about crime movies.

"You would not be better off out there and you know it. Don't talk silly like that, you hear me?" She asked, and Newt knew she was worried because he wasn't immune.

So he sighed and squeezed her hand. "I hear ya, Lizzy. I hear you."

\- - -

One year.

One year since he's seen Thomas.

He tried not to count, he really did. He tried to let himself get distracted by Minho and Alby's constant bickering, or by helping Winston with his math homework, or by reminding Gally to take off his shoes after coming back from the workshop so he didn't dirty up the room.

But sometimes he let his mind wander. When Minho and Alby fought, he remembered how Thomas would lean over and whisper a joke about them to Newt that made him laugh out loud. When he helped Winston with math he remembered how Thomas, although oblivious on the outside, was a genius at math and other things inside. When he told Gally to keep things clean he remembered how Thomas would stomp his shoes right next to Newt on purpose, just to agitate him.

He remembered Thomas.

And Teresa, of course, but he was never as close to her.

But one day, his world was rightened again.

It was late and Newt was the last one up in the barracks, wanting to finish one last chapter of his book before going to sleep for the night.

The the door opened, and suddenly his arms were filled with long black hair and bright blue eyes and suddenly his heart was rising from its dark state.

"Teresa!" He exclaimed in a whisper, hugging the girl tightly. "Bloody hell, what- what are you _doing_ here?" 

She tugged him tightly for a moment more before pulling away, a huge smile on her face. "I figured out how to loop the security cameras. Thomas and I came out here to find you."

"Tommy?" Newt asked, suddenly wide awake as he stood, pulling his shoes on. He looked around, but didn't see the boy.

"We found a kid in the hallway. He's waiting with him and sent me to come get you guys," she explained as she shook Minho awake. Minho groaned and almost rolled over, but then he saw Teresa and sat up quickly.

"Am I dreaming?" He asked quietly.

Teresa let out a small laugh and shook her head, leaning over Minho's bed to give him a hug. As she did that, Newt lifted a leg to kick Alby awake. Just as the dark skinned boy looked as though he was about to yell at Newt, his eyes landed on Teresa, and widened in surprise.

Once they had said their introductions, the four slipped out of the barracks and into the hallway. They made small talk, catching up on the year they had missed with each other. Newt participated as much as his distracted mind would allow him, too busy thinking about seeing Thomas again.

Him, Minho, and Alby were led by Teresa to a smaller room down the hall from the barracks, and she pushed open the door to reveal two boys.

Charles was the first one, Newt noted. A younger boy with curly hair that cried a lot. And the second-

The second was Thomas.

"What's up, Tommy?" Newt exclaimed, feeling his face smile the biggest smile it had since before they had gotten caught. He felt the urge to throw his arms around Thomas, just as he had done with Teresa, but something stopped him.

Thomas was looking at him as though he had hung all the stars in the sky himself. A wide grin danced over his lips and his eyes were shining with happiness and as much as Newt wanted to hug him, he wanted to treasure that look as long as he possibly could.

"Hi, Newt," Thomas said softly, voice more gentle than Newt had ever heard it before.

Before Newt could respond, Minho had pushed his way into the room and was pointing at the younger boy. "Who's the new kid?"

And just like that, the moment was broken. Thomas snapped his gaze away from Newt and to Minho, opening his mouth to answer his question. Alby slapped a hand on Newt's shoulder, breaking him from his trance.

"Hide your heart, loverboy," Alby grinned a little, walking over to sit down, Newt following.

"What does that even mean?" Newt asked, crunching his nose up.

Alby just shook his head. "I'll tell you when you're older."

Newt remembered Lizzy and Miyoko saying something similar last year. "I'm eleven. I'm old, I can take it."

"No... no you're not quite ready yet," Alby said, an amused glint in his eyes. Newt huffed and rolled his eyes. Alby turned thirteen and suddenly became the wisest in the room. Newt couldn't stand it.

The rest of the night went smoothly. The group fell back into routine as if the lonely year hadn't even happened. Charles (now nicknamed Chuck, thanks to Thomas) fit right in, cracking jokes for the others to laugh at all the time.

However, like all good things, the night came to an end. And not on a such a positive note, either.

Minho had just voiced his negative opinions and mentioned working on something, but stopped before he said the full sentence. Before he walked out of the room, Alby found his voice to ask, "What are you talking about?"

"We used to talk about escaping before Thomas and Teresa came around," Minho said. "Well, I never stopped thinking about it. Or planning for it. We should be here by our own choice, not by theirs. Not treated like prisoners. I hope you guys'll come with me. When I'm ready."

And with that, he was gone.

That ended the night quickly, and as everyone was saying their goodbyes, Newt headed over to Thomas, who was worrying his lip between his teeth and staring at the door.

"Hey," Newt squeezed his shoulder to get his attention. "I won't let Minho do anything too stupid, okay? I've done a pretty good job looking after him for the past few years, haven't I?"

Thomas smiled a little and nodded, but then let it fall again. "Newt... Minho said you all talked about escaping before. If Minho _does_ escape... are you going to go with him?"

Newt stopped and thought about it. It was true, before they'd met Thomas and Teresa, he and Alby had humored Minho's idea of escaping a lot more than they did now. Newt thought that was what he wanted. To get out. To escape.

But there was no Tommy outside of this facility. And he didn't want to live without Tommy.

"No, Tommy," Newt reassured him. "I'm not going anywhere."

\- - -

Months later, the plan was brought up again.

This time, a face was brought with it.

Minho brought Gally to one of their meetings, and explained how Gally had a cousin at the border of Canada that was going to take them in and that they were leaving tomorrow night.

Newt didn't believe him. That's why he went to bed like any other night, not worrying about the threat of Minho escaping.

But in the morning, something was different. Minho was still there, but he wasn't Minho.

He was a shell.

There was a distant and detached look in his eyes, and he didn't crack jokes. He barely even spoke.

When Newt and Alby left with Chuck for their weekly meetings in the maintenance room, Minho didn't come with them. He stopped attending the meetings, stopped teasing people, stopped being his rebellious self.

One night when the meeting was over, Thomas grabbed Newt's arm and stopped him in the hallway.

"Tell Minho we miss him, yeah?"

Newt frowned. "Yeah. He won't listen, though. Sometimes I really don't know if he's hearing me when I talk to him."

And then Thomas looked _guilty_. Newt slowly retracted his arm from Thomas's grip.

"Tommy? Do you know what happened to him that night?"

"He- he didn't tell you?"

Newt shook his head.

Thomas took a deep breath. "There... there was this creature. This _monster_. They trapped Minho in a room with it, and made it get close enough to kill him, then stopped and retreated it. They did it to him four times."

Horrified, Newt shook his head, wondering how adults could be this cruel to kids.

"Newt, please don't be mad at me. I tried. I tried to stop them. I lost Minho which sucks, but- but I couldn't stand losing you. It was _awful_ not seeing you for a year, I couldn't do that again-"

Stopping his rambling, Newt pulled Thomas into his arms, hugging him tightly. Newt had never hugged Thomas before, and found that it was almost addicting. The way their arms fit around each other perfectly, the feeling of Thomas being this close to him.

"You won't lose me, Tommy. Not ever."

And suddenly, Newt thought he might have realized what Alby knew.


	3. we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What if they freak out?" Thomas whispered. "I don't want forty girls attacking me at once."
> 
> "I thought you went for that sort of thing," Newt whispered back. He said it as a joke, but the words nipped at his own heart.
> 
> But then Thomas looked straight at Newt, and even in the dark, he could see the intensity in the boy's gaze.
> 
> "No. Not really."
> 
> Newt gulped, trying not to read too much into it. "Right. My bad. One girl, then," he said, implying Teresa.
> 
> But Thomas yet again shook his head. "No. Not really."
> 
> Newt turned back to the panel, unable to deal with whatever that was right now. Maybe later, maybe when he wasn't freaking out.

_**III** _

Fourteen was not an age Newt would look back fondly one. Not when Minho wouldn't stop staring at the girls at the Group B table. Not when Alby, who was now sixteen, mocked them during their voice cracks.

Not when hormones played a very active role in all of their lives.

Newt saw it every time the girls and the boys made eye contact across the cafeteria. But he didn't feel it. Not with them.

His conversation with Alby from a few months ago still haunts the back of his mind.

_"Alby," Newt asked, shoving his hands in his pockets to stop them from shaking. "What did you mean last week? In the maintenance room? You said you'd tell me when I'm older, but I really think I need to know now."_

_With a knowing smile, Alby scooted over on his bed and let Newt sit down next to me. "What happened?"_

_"I hugged him," Newt said, his voice barely above a whisper. "And... and I_ felt _something. It was weird but I didn't hate it."_

_"Newt, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You've cared for Thomas since the second you read his name on the door and that's good. You have someone there for you, someone that can make you happy when you're sad, and someone you can rely on."_

_Newt shook his head. "I have you guys for that. Alby, nobody here has much experience with feelings but I've never heard Minho compliment another boy unless it was for a joke. Boys don't like boys like that."_

_Alby frowned. "That's not true. Anyone can like whoever they want. You like Thomas because-"_

_"Because he gets me. Because I can read him so easily and he understands me and because he's an idiot but he's also a genius and he makes me laugh and he's unlike anyone I've ever met and I would have a dinner with cranks if it means I get to keep him in my life," Newt cut Alby off, letting it all out in one breath._

_He was scared at what Alby would think or say, but when he looked at the older boy, he was wearing a proud smile. And suddenly Newt felt okay. Not_ okay _, okay, seeing as he just realized his feelings for Thomas and was sure he'd never feel the same. But okay with himself. He knew his feelings were okay._

Sighing, Newt stopped thinking about that conversation as he made his way into the cafeteria with Minho and Alby. Minho had gradually started to get better. He'd started making jabs at the adults again and a smirk was slowly finding its way back onto his face.

"Today I think we should try to hardwire Mr. Down's screen so he can't show us another video of the making of Bergs again," Minho suggested as he slid into his seat across from Newt and Alby. Newt rolled his eyes and grabbed a fork.

"Mhm? Do you know how to hardwire a screen?" He smirked at Minho's disappointed face, stabbing his fork into a waffle. "Right. Didn't think so. But, you know, Teresa does. Maybe you should start coming to the meetings again and ask her about it."

Minho fidgeted uncomfortably like he did every time the meetings were brought up. "Who are you kidding, Newt? You don't even like her!"

Newt's head snapped up from his food to glare at Minho. "Yes I do! Don't talk about things you don't get, Minho. Teresa's my friend."

"The how come you, like, _glare_ at her-"

"Dude. Drop it," Alby cut in cooly. Minho looked like he wanted to argue, but before he could, the cafeteria doors opened, and everyone turned to look at who was there.

A guard Newt had only seen a few times was standing at the front of the room with Thomas and Teresa on either side of him. Newt recognized him as Ramirez, the one Thomas never stopped complaining about.

Newt watched as Thomas's eyes nervously flicked around everyone in the cafeteria before finding Newt. He instantly relaxed when Newt smiled a little, and gave him a tiny grin in return.

"Listen up," Ramirez called. "Many of you have heard of Thomas and Teresa - they've been considered elite candidates for years."

"Oh boy, if they didn't hate them before, they sure do now," Alby muttered, and Newt looked around to see a bunch of the other kids looking at his friends with sour faces. Newt tensed, but Alby calmed him by saying, "Don't worry. We'll get to them first and make sure they don't get attacked."

"Be nice to them, they've worked really hard. The Maze Trials are starting soon, as you're all well aware, and there's a lot to be done. These two will be considered official liaisons between you subjects and the WICKED personnel overseeing the trial preparation. We'll be assigning the entrance schedule to the mazes very soon. In the meantime, take the time to get to know Thomas and Teresa, prepare yourselves mentally and physically, and let yourselves get excited for the fun changes ahead. Now, back to your meals."

Newt rolled his eyes as him and Alby stood. "Fun changes, my arse," he muttered, and Alby chuckled as they made their way over to the pair by the door.

"Well, look who the bloody copper dragged in," Newt plastered a grin on his face as he looked to Thomas. He pulled the thirteen year old into a big hug, one that Thomas eagerly returned. He hugged him back in a way that almost made him think Thomas could feel what Newt felt.

"It's a bit strange seein' you without the sneakin' about and all. Welcome to society," Newt winked as he pulled away, and Alby stepped in to hug Thomas after hugging Teresa. Newt looked to the girl, who was happy to see them.

 _You're being a twat_ , he thought to himself, quickly hugging Teresa. _She's your friend, and you don't even know if her and Tommy have got something. It's all in your head._

As Alby spoke to Thomas, Chuck came running over, tackling Thomas into a side-hug. Newt watched fondly as Thomas ruffled the kid's hair and said hello. Alby gave Newt a knowing look, only causing him to roll his eyes.

When Thomas stopped talking to Chuck, Newt watched his eyes find Minho, who was still sitting. Thomas glanced to Newt, who nodded. Looking relieved, Thomas headed over to speak to Minho, and Newt turned back to Chuck, Alby, and Teresa.

"It's good to see you guys at an hour that isn't in the middle of the night," Teresa smiled.

Newt smiled and said "You too," and found out the words were true.

\- - -

Having Thomas in classes was like a dream come true. And not just because Newt could admire the way his eyebrows drew together when he thought of the solution to a problem, or the way his nose scrunched up when he was unsure of the answer.

It was like the hole that Newt felt all those years ago after meeting Thomas for the first time had finally been filled. He was _here_. He was with them, and he was with them almost all of the time. 

That is, when he wasn't doing some elite work with Teresa. Newt felt his temper get worse during those times.

But he didn't have to worry about that right now. Not when Thomas and Newt were leaning close to each other, working on a statistics problem together. They were both rather good at math and paired together for it all the time. 

They paired together a lot for other subjects, too.

When class finished, Newt said his sullen goodbye to Thomas and Teresa, who were heading on their own way to work on their project. Just as he was about to walk away, Thomas grabbed his hand and slid a piece of paper into it. Newt looked at him quizzically, but he just smiled a little, his face tinged pink, then walked off with Teresa.

Minho, oblivious as ever, started rambling about how he still wanted to hardwire Mr. Down's screens, but Alby was looking at the paper in Newt's hand.

"Your face is bright red," the older boy teased.

"Shut up," Newt muttered, stuffing the not into his pocket, saving it for later.

Thomas had written and asked to meet Newt in the maintenance room. Newt knew he shouldn't be nervous, the two of them had hung out on their own plenty of times before.

Well, that was before Newt had realized why his heart jumped every time he said Thomas's name.

"Hey, Tommy," he greeted as he entered the room. "What's up?"

Thomas looked drained, but gained a smile when Newt walked in. "Theses things they're having me and Teresa do... it's hard. I just needed a break, and you always know how to make a situation better."

Newt was silent, eyebrows raised in both surprise and pride.

"I-I'm sorry. You probably have something else to do right now, you don't have to comfort me-"

Newt cut him off with a laugh and sat down next to him. "Tommy, I don't have jack shit to do. You're the one always working. And we're friends. If you need me to be there for you, I will. Always, yeah?'

"Yeah," Thomas agreed, smiling softly. "Well, then, distract me. Tell me something about yourself I don't know."

Leaning back, Newt sighed and tried to think. "I don't have much of a life, you know. I just do what everyone else does."

"But you're so different from everyone else. Especially to me."

Newt let out a dry laugh and looked at Thomas. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Thomas's face was the same shade of pink that it had been when he gave the note to Newt. "N-Nothing. Just that... I feel like we've always been closer than anyone else. And that makes you different from the rest, to me. What makes you different to you?"

He had to look away to stop the wide smile spreading across his face. He then thought of something, calmed his features, and turned back to Thomas. "I can speak French. Not fluently, or anything, but I read a bunch of it when I was younger and taught myself some stuff."

Eyes wide, Thomas looked at Newt with something that closely resembled awe. "You speak French. Newt, I don't even think the _Chancellor_ speaks French." Newt laughed, and Thomas grinned. "Well, you have to say something now."

Newt looked at the boy across from him fondly, thinking of what he could possibly say. He could say anything, really, and Thomas would had no clue what he meant. He thought about a saying from a sappy romance novel he read, and settled on that.

" _La douleur exquise._ "

Thomas blinked, staring at Newt with an expression he'd never seen before. "What does it mean?"

"Ah-ah," Newt smirked, shaking his head. "That's for me to know and you to-"

"Find out?"

"Nope. That's for me to know and you to _never_ find out."

Thomas groaned and Newt let out a laugh. "Why?" He whined. "Did you say something bad?"

 _La douleur exquise._  
the exquisite pain - the particular agony of wanting someone who doesn't want you  


"Yeah," Newt said quietly. "I said something bad."

Thomas's hazel eyes grew worried, but stopped when Newt smiled softly.

"But I also said something really, really good."

\- - -

With each day that passed, Newt was growing constantly more and more worried about the upcoming Maze Trials. He knew Thomas and Teresa knew more about it than they were letting on, but he didn't feel it was right to pry. Not yet, anyways.

Needless to say, whatever the trials consisted of, the boys were being tested a lot more than previous times. And not just more blood drawing or brain scanning tests. They had to do a lot more physical training, like running, and a lot more problem solving scenarios in their philosophy classes.

Newt wasn't used to being so busy, but he, Alby, and Minho barely had enough time to meet up with Thomas and Teresa after dinner to hang out before all of them, exhausted, crashed in their beds.

Today, however, was one of their slower days. Classes were cancelled due to one on one trainings, and Newt was able to finish before most of the other boys. This meant he had some relaxing time before dinner and bed.

But nothing was ever relaxing when Thomas appeared. 

Newt was sitting in the cafeteria, head resting in his arms that were laying on the table tiredly. His head was tilted towards the door, though, and he saw Thomas walk in. "Hey, stranger," Newt muttered, not bothering to lift his head.

"Hey, Newt. I want you to come with me," Thomas said, walking over to him.

"No bloody now, Tommy, I'm drained," Newt closed his eyes, perfectly content with falling asleep on the cafeteria table.

Thomas wasn't allowing that, though. He grabbed one of Newt's arms and tugged, making Newt have to quickly pull his legs out from under the table to stand so he wouldn't fall. He glared at Thomas, who smiled sheepishly.

"Well, let's go, then," Newt huffed. Thomas grinned and led Newt out of the cafeteria.

They walked down many winding hallways Newt hadn't really been to that often. And he'd been through the whole building a lot. But Thomas took him down flights of stairs and through alcoves Newt hadn't even realized existed.

"Where the bloody hell are you taking me, Tommy?" Newt laughed. "If I knew any better I'd say you're stealing me."

Thomas looked back at Newt and Newt saw a faraway look in his eyes. "No, Newt. If I stole you... I'd take you to a much better place than this."

Newt blinked, surprised by Thomas's serious tone. But he played it off with a grin and a joke, like he always did when things got too real for his liking. "Can't tell if I should be terrified or flattered." It seemed to do the trick, because Thomas broke out of his stupor, grinned, and continued on.

Suddenly, the air got colder as they went down another flight of stairs, and Newt recognized it as the chilly basement temperature. He opened his mouth to make a comment about their maintenance room in the basement, but stopped when Thomas began leading him in the opposite direction. Newt frowned and followed after him, now not knowing where they were going.

Doctors exited a room a few feet away from them, and Thomas quickly pulled Newt into the shadows, standing so close that their chests touched and breath mingled. Newt felt his heart rate speed up so much he wouldn't be surprised if Thomas could hear it.

"Tommy-"

Thomas clamped a hand over Newt's mouth and shook his head, a deadly look in his eyes. Newt stayed silent, but Thomas didn't remove his hand, as the doctors walked by. When they entered the elevator at the end of the hall, Thomas took off his hand and let out a deep breath.

Newt just gave him an odd look.

"If I got you caught down here..." Thomas trailed off, but Newt didn't need him to finish the sentence. He'd be in trouble, plain as that.

"S'alright," He shrugged, and then winked at the younger boy. "Just thought you were tryna flirt with me in your own weird way."

Thomas glared at Newt but blushed all the same. "Why do I even bother hanging out with you?" He grumbled, then turned and walked to the door the doctors had left from. Newt laughed quietly and followed him into the room.

His laugh died on his lips when he saw what was in it. It was screens upon more screens added to a lot of technical equipment. And on each screen was a different shot of an area. High stone walls or a grassy field or a small forest. Newt looked at them all with wide eyes and then at Thomas, who was looking at him.

"Is this...?"

"The Maze? Yeah," Thomas nodded. Newt had so many questions, but he didn't want to ask them. He didn't want to know exactly what the Maze held. By the look on Thomas's face, he knew he wouldn't like the answer.

"You built this?" He decided to ask.

Thomas nodded. "But you can't tell anyone you know about this, Newt. You aren't supposed to see this. I just... I needed to talk to someone about it. Someone besides Teresa, that is."

Newt almost rolled his eyes at the mention of her name, but stopped himself. He wasn't going to be immature about his stupid schoolboy crush.

"Well, then," he flashed Thomas a grin. "I'm glad you trusted me."

\- - - 

The day they found out who would be going into the Maze first was the day everything went to shit.

Well, almost everything.

Almost a year had passed since Thomas had shown Newt the maze. Newt was now fifteen, now sure that his stupid crush on Thomas was not _just_ a stupid crush, and getting angrier at the WICKED employees more and more each day.

Breakfast was interrupted as Ramirez walked in, making everyone in the room look up. Newt scoffed quietly to himself, hating how his conversation with Thomas had been interrupted.

Newt was so sure Thomas liked Teresa. The boy was fourteen, and at fourteen Newt definitely had a strong crush on a certain someone. So why shouldn't Thomas? He and Teresa spent every day together, and as much as Newt hated it, there wasn't anything he could do about it.

"I"m here to announce that we officially have begun moving forward with the Maze Trials. We will be sending in the first boy tomorrow, and that lucky gentlemen is..." Ramirez glanced down at his paper to double check, then called out, "Alby! I'll come back tomorrow around this time to come get you."

And with that, he was gone.

Leaving Newt's mouth incredibly dry.

Newt knew it was only a matter of time before Alby was taken from them. He was seventeen now and he was the oldest one out of the group. It made sense that he would go first, but Newt didn't want him too. Alby had become an older brother to him, someone he could trust and rely on.

Newt turned away from Thomas to look across the table at Alby, seeing what his reaction was. But he only wore a stony, expressionless face. Newt figured he must have seen this coming, too.

"Hey," he whispered, getting Alby's attention. "You're gonna be great. Show these stupid doctor's who's the strongest, right?" Newt grinned, and Alby nodded, smiling back a little before Minho, who was next to him, whisked him into a conversation.

Newt almost jumped out of his seat when Thomas took his hand under the table. Over the past year, he'd gotten much more touchy-feely, but Newt just figured it was because Thomas knew how close the Maze Trials were and knew he was going to start losing his friends and wanted to spend time with him.

That was all. Right?

"He'll be okay," Thomas said reassuringly.

Squeezing his hand in response, Newt gave him a small smile and nodded. "I know. I just really wish he didn't have to go."

"Me too, Thomas sighed, not showing any sign of removing his hand from Newt's. "Me too."

"So what do you say, Alby? One more night out with the gang?" Minho asked, and they all looked to him. He and Alby sat next to each other, across from Newt and Thomas. Teresa was on the other side of Thomas, and Chuck sat on the other side of Alby.

Alby sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know, Minho. Might want to get some rest, you know?'

Minho smirked and shook his head. "No, I don't know." Then he turned face the other four. "One more night it is!"

Thomas pulled his hand from Newt's to clap, and Newt tried to ignore the cold that he felt as he grinned and clapped along.

He was completely sure that the WICKED doctors and guards knew about their little meeting area and the times they met, but no one stopped them. Newt supposed that maybe they had a trace of humanity left in them, and wanted the kids to enjoy their last night together.

"I still can't believe no one told me that you guys used to call Newt _Mama Newt!_ " Thomas exclaimed, tears in his eyes from laughing.

"For good reason!" Newt rolled his eyes. "I didn't want," he gestured to Thomas cracking up, " _this_."

"Sorry, sorry... Mama Newt," Thomas winked, causing Newt's heart to flip but his mouth to sneer at the boy.

Teresa slapped Thomas's arm and looked apologetically to Newt. "You know, it isn't all that bad of a title. It means you're the mature one. The one people look up to. I don't think I would call any of the other boys in this room _mature_ ," she raised her eyebrows at Thomas on the last word, who grinned.

Minho stroked his chin in mock thought before pointing to Alby. "Except grandpa over here. He's the best of the best. We're gonna miss you, Albs," Minho slung his arm around Alby's shoulders, and for once, Alby didn't push him off.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that? But I'm gonna miss you guys, too."

"S'alright," Newt said lightly. "We'll be with you soon enough. Then we'll chill out in a maze for a little, find a cure, and live happily ever after."

"Yeah!" Chuck joined in happily, "And then we can go back to calling Newt mom all the time!"

Newt watched Thomas and Teresa share a look. He knew there was going to be a lot more to the maze than that, but he figured he didn't have to talk about that in front of Alby on his last night.

They stayed a little longer than they normally did in the basement, laughing and having fun all together for one last night. Chuck cracked jokes that made them all laugh, they all ate their stolen goods from the cafeteria, and forgot that they were living as lab rats for the rest of the night.

Sadly, it came to an end all too soon. Thomas and Teresa said their goodbyes to Alby first, seeing as their bedrooms were separate from the Group A barracks.

"We'll keep an eye on you, man," Thomas grinned a little. "Make sure no harm comes to you."

"I appreciate that," Alby grinned, hugging Thomas tightly. "I had a great time with you guys. Can't wait to see you again." He moved on to Teresa, giving her a big hug, too.

She closed her eyes as she hugged him, careful not to let her tears fall. "See you soon, Alby," she whispered.

They started walking in their opposite directions, and Newt caught Thomas's eyes. To anyone else, they wouldn't have seen anything, but Newt saw the pain and sadness in Thomas's eyes. Newt didn't know what the Maze held, but from Thomas's expression, nothing good.

He sighed and turned away, still not ready to say his own goodbye.

\- - -

A month had passed, and now they were taking Minho away.

And Newt could not let go of him.

"Newt, buddy, come on," Minho laughed, but Newt heard the pain in his voice. "You have to let go at some point."

"No," Newt sniffed, not caring that Thomas, Teresa, and Chuck were seeing him cry. He had been hugging Minho for five minutes now, and still wasn't ready to let go. Things had been hard enough without Alby, and Newt wasn't prepared to lose Minho, too.

Minho annoyed the living daylights out of him, but Minho made him laugh. Minho was his closest friend, his _first_ friend. And, sure, he had Teresa and Chuck who were his pals and Thomas who his heart beat for, but none of them were Minho.

"If you don't let go they're going to send Minho into the Maze with you still attached," Chuck laughed.

"Good. Let them," Newt muttered, his chin still resting on Minho's shoulder.

Chuck and Teresa both tried for another five minutes to pry Newt away, but it wasn't until Thomas stepped up, placing a hand on Newt's back, that he loosened his grip on Minho. Thomas wrapped one arm around Newt, holding him close to his side, as he pulled Newt away from his old friend.

"I'll see you soon- what is it? _Wanker_! See you soon wanker," Minho smiled sadly, and Newt let out a small laugh.

Newt watched the doctors come and take Minho by the arms, watched them lead him all the way down the hallway and through the door, until Newt couldn't see him anymore. He let out a small sob and turned to Thomas, wrapping his arm around his neck and buried his face where his neck met his shoulder.

"It's alright," Thomas said soothingly, hugging Newt and rubbing one hand across his back. "Minho's a tough guy. Him and Alby are gonna do great in there together. You have nothing to worry about."

"What am I gonna do without him?" Newt mumble miserably, not missing how Thomas shivered as Newt's lips brushed against his skin when he talked.

"I'll take care of you. You aren't going to lose me. Ever. Didn't I promise you that?"

Newt laughed a little. "I think _I_ promised _you_ that."

Thomas's chest shook with his own laughter. "Same thing."

Newt sniffed and finally pulled away, expecting to feel embarrassed. But Thomas had this soft smile on his face that only made Newt feel safe and... and _cared_ about.

He felt someone squeeze his hand and turned to see Teresa. "Goodnight, Newt. We'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He smiled a little at her and gave her a quick hug, doing the same with Chuck, and the two of them headed down the hall to their rooms.

"Are you okay to be alone?" Thomas asked.

Shaking his head, Newt got an idea. "Not yet. But come on, I know what will help. And I've been wanting you two to meet, anyways."

Thomas had a confused look on his face, but didn't ask questions as Newt started leading him to where the Group B barracks were. Newt found the panel in the wall that opened up into the tunnel and pressed against it, making it pop out.

A look of realization crossed Thomas's face. "Group B."

"Yup," Newt said quietly, popping the P and sliding the panel to the side.

"What if they freak out?" Thomas whispered. "I don't want forty girls attacking me at once."

"I thought you went for that sort of thing," Newt whispered back. He said it as a joke, but the words nipped at his own heart.

But then Thomas looked straight at Newt, and even in the dark, he could see the intensity in the boy's gaze.

"No. Not really."

Newt gulped, trying not to read too much into it. "Right. My bad. One girl, then," he said, implying Teresa.

But Thomas yet again shook his head. "No. Not really."

Newt turned back to the panel, unable to deal with whatever that was right now. Maybe later, maybe when he wasn't freaking out.

He crawled through the tunnel, Thomas close behind, and stepped out of the closet quietly, not wanting to wake up the rest of the girls. He moved over so Thomas could get out, too, only to stumble backwards as Miyoko came in front of him.

"What do you want? Who are you?"

Thomas gulped. "Sorry to sneak in like this- we're here from Group A. We're here so Newt can say goodbye to his sister before he gets sent into the Maze." Newt bit on his hand to stifle his laugh at seeing Thomas so flustered.

"You could've given us a warning," Miyoko replied, taking a step back. "What are your names? Well, _your_ name, if he's Newt. We all know Newt. Sonya is one of my best friends."

 _Lizzy_ , Newt automatically corrected.

"I'm Thomas."

"Oh. This is who you don't shut up about?" Miyoko raised her eyebrows at Newt.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Newt stammered, glad it was dark so no one could see him blush.

"Mhm. Well, my name's Miyoko. Let me get Sonya."

She walked away, and Thomas turned to him. "Ah, so someone talks about me, hmm? All good things?"

Newt, feeling a boost of courage, smirked back at him and said, "Oh yeah. You wouldn't believe it."

Before Thomas could answer, someone crashed into Newt, hugging him so hard he stumbled back. Newt quickly wrapped his arms around his sister, his face in her strawberry blonde hair. He let his tears fall, not caring that Thomas was right there. He sobbed, not wanting to say goodbye to Alby, Minho, Thomas. And most certainly not his sister.

"I hate them," Newt said through his tears. He pulled away from Lizzy and wiped his tears. "I hate every one of them! How can they do this? How can they steal us from our homes and keep us separate like this? It's not right!"

"No, no, no," Lizzy soothed him, holding his face and looking straight into his eyes. "Don't say that. You're looking at it all wrong. We've got it better than ninety-nine percent of kids out there. They saved us, big brother. What are the odds we'd be alive if they'd left us out there?"

"But why do they keep us separate?" Newt hugged her again, hearing the amount of sadness in his voice. "Why all the tests and the games and the cruelty? I hate them, I don't care what you say."

"It'll all be over someday. Remember, you're not immune. One day we'll be able to make you safe and then we'll be back together. Come on. You're my big brother. You're supposed to be the one comforting me," Lizzy smiled a little.

"I love you, Lizzy," Newt squeezed her hand. "I love you so much."

They hugged one more time and said their final goodbyes, and then Newt and Thomas were crawling back through the tunnel and out into the hallway. The two were silent for a while before Thomas finally broke it.

"Newt... is your sister the only reason you stay? If she got sent away, or ran away, would you go with her?"

Newt glanced at Thomas and shrugged. "I... yeah, I guess. I mean, what else is keeping me here, right?" He smiled bitterly.

But Thomas didn't smile with him. "I thought I was," he whispered.

He swore his heart stopped beating. "Tommy?" He said quietly.

Then he was pushed back against the wall, a pair of lips crashing onto his. He was frozen, unable to move due to pure shock. His heart probably _did_ stop beating there.

And then the lips were gone and Thomas was stepping back and shaking his hand and apologizing and saying, "I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry, I don't know why I did that," and then Newt was stepping forward and cutting him off.

"Shut the bloody hell up, Tommy."

And then they were kissing again. And Newt was kissing back and Thomas was pressed against the wall and their arms were around each other and even though Newt had felt like _shit_ the entire day nothing, _nothing_ , could beat this.

He was on top of the world.

"You, are, Tommy," Newt breathed, pulling away from Thomas. "You are keeping me here."

Thomas smiled, no, _beamed_. And then he was pulling Newt back and they were kissing again.

And the only thing Newt knew in that moment was happiness.


	4. the heart was made to be broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't you have some bloody maze to be looking after right now?" Newt laughed lightly, pushing Thomas's chest.
> 
> But nothing he said could stop Thomas's mouth as it wandered across Newt's face and neck. "Nah. Much rather be looking after you right now."
> 
> "I'm older than you, twat."
> 
> Thomas pulled away to smile at him, then kissed his lips. "Well, then. Start acting like it."
> 
> That's all the confirmation Newt needed to lunge at Thomas, pushing him back on the bed.

_**IV** _

"Thomas, no. You cannot take my student from my class," Mr. Down was saying, and Newt really wish he and Minho had figured out how to hardwire those screens two years ago. He was officially the oldest in the class, sixteen, to be exact.

That meant he was next to go into the Maze. He didn't really like to think about that a lot.

"But, sir, it's for tests. I need him," Thomas huffed impatiently. Newt watched him, amusement in his eyes, as he tried to get Newt out of his class. Fourteen year old Thomas had been nervous at first, all _Is this okay?_ 's and quick kisses in dark corners.

Fifteen year old Thomas, though? Bloody hell, he really couldn't go a minute without Newt. Newt would have found it annoying if he wasn't hopelessly in love with the kid.

Yeah, he figured out what love was. And how it's different from _like_. And he never thought that any other word could ever describe his feelings for Thomas better than _love_ could.

Finally, Mr. Down agreed to let Newt leave, and Newt stood up from his seat next to Frypan. Frypan just shook his head at Newt. Newt had gotten close to Fry after Minho and Alby left. Not as close as he was with his old friends, but Fry at least knew about Newt and Thomas.

Whatever they were.

The second he was in the hallway and the classroom door had closed, Thomas had pushed him back against the wall and kissed him. Newt was only about an inch taller than him now, and he found that he didn't really mind that.

" _Tommy_ ," Newt pushed him back. "You've got to stop this. I was supposed to be taking a test in there. A _real_ test."

"Oh, please, like you hate when I rescue you from those incredibly boring classes," Thomas smirked, kissing Newt's cheek before he grabbed his hand and started walking down the hallway with him.

Thomas and Teresa no longer attended classes, no devoting all of their time to the Maze and working on it. Newt never found out what exactly they do, or what the Maze was even about, but he was fine with that. He was happy being oblivious. He was happy being happy with Thomas.

"Well, then," Newt smiled at Thomas, swinging their linked hands. "What are we doing now? You better have the nicest date planned if you're going to disrupt my day like that."

He expected a witty reply, but Thomas couldn't seem to form any words. He was just looking at Newt with pure adoration in his eyes. Newt raised an eyebrow at him. "Bloody hell, if I knew you were going to be this quiet I would have told you I liked you _years_ ago."

"Haha," Thomas rolled his eyes, finally looking straight ahead. "Figured we could just hang out in my room."

"Lead the way, loverboy," Newt gestured forward, and Thomas pulled him along.

\- - -

Newt is worried. He's been getting separated from the other boys a lot more now, getting his own tests and examinations done. The ones that prepare him for the Maze. Thomas is there for every single one, holding his hand, or standing close by when the doctors won't let him do that.

Thomas says Dr. Paige figured them out. Thomas says she isn't going to tell anyone and that it's okay. Thomas says she told him it will be interesting top study the effects it has on Thomas after Newt leaves.

Thomas says he hates her.

"I just don't understand why you have to send the oldest one every time," Thomas is arguing. Newt is in the hallway, waiting behind the door. "Wouldn't we get more of a reaction if we sent in someone, I don't know, fifteen? Or fourteen?"

"No, Thomas. I already explained it. This is how the trials work," Dr. Paige argues.

"Newt doesn't have to be next. He- he _can't_ be next. Dr. Paige, _please_ -"

"That's enough, Thomas. He's next and we can't switch up the pattern just because of your personal preference. I told you it was a bad idea to get attached to subjects. Look where it got you."

"He's not a _subject_ ," Thomas said venomously. "He's a _person_. He's _my_ person."

Newt's heart skips a beat.

There's a moment of silence before Dr. Paige answers.

"Well I suggest you spend as much quality time with your person as you can before he's sent up."

She walks out of the room, and her eyes land on Newt. "Evening, Newt," she says as if she knew he was there all along. She probably did. He stays silent and glares at her. She lets out an exasperated sigh and walks away.

Thomas comes out of the room a minute later, his eyes are sad and tired and he flings himself into Newt's arms. His tears wet Newt's shoulder but Newt thinks that it's okay because he wants to be there for Thomas all the time, even if it means his shirt gets wet.

"I'm sorry," Thomas whispered. "I tried. I really tried."

"S'alright, Tommy," Newt rubs soothing circles on the boy's back. "I know. It isn't your fault."

Pulling away, Thomas looks into Newt's eyes, his hands shaking and his lip quivering and Newt knows he's about to say " _But it is my fault_ " and so he shuts him up with his lips before Thomas even has the chance to open his mouth.

Teresa joins him in the test room the next day. Thomas is busy. Newt's fine with it, really. He knows Thomas has to stay busy or he'll crack. And to be honest, he's going to really miss Teresa. He likes her a lot more now that he knows she isn't a threat.

He hisses in pain when the needle pricks him and Teresa reaches out instinctively, grabbing his hand.

They look at each other for a moment before she yanks her hand back. "I- I'm sorry, I just...".

Newt smiles a little and takes her hand in his. "Thank you, Teresa. For being here. I know you're probably just doing it because of Tommy, but. Thank you."

She has a sad, sad look in her eyes. Newt goes into the maze in three days. "It's not just for him, Newt. You're... you're one of my closest friends. I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered, looking down at their linked hands.

"Just check up on me on those fancy screens of yours, good that?" He grins a little and she looks up, then steps forward and hugs him tightly. He hugs her back, using the arm that isn't having blood drawn from it.

"Teresa..." he says when they pull away. "Watch... watch after Tommy when I'm gone."

She smiles sadly and nods.

Newt's never told her about them. Thomas's never told her about them.

She knows. Anyone can tell she knows.

"Of course, Newt."

\- - -

Two days until he's taken away from the boy in his arms. He wonders if Thomas keeps kissing him like this, maybe he'll run out of air and die and not have to go in the maze. Maybe that'll be alright.

But then, as he kisses the boy he loves back, he realizes he never wants to die. He never wants to give up Thomas and everything that comes with him. Thomas pulls away and smiles down at Newt and Newt thinks, _yeah, I'm in totally in love_.

When they decide they need air, they sit together on the couch in Thomas's room. Newt's head is on Thomas's shoulder, and Thomas's hand is running through Newt's hair and newt thinks he could truly stay there forever.

"At least I'll see Minho and Alby again," Newt sighs.

Thomas's shoulder tenses for a second, and Newt knows that means Thomas knows something Newt doesn't. "What is it?" He asks.

"Nothing," Thomas says quietly.

And Newt believes him, because if Thomas says it's nothing than it's nothing.

"Too bad Gally will be there, too. But George is in there. And Ben. They were pretty cool. And then a month later Fry is coming up. It won't be all bad, will it?" Newt realizes how desperate he sounds, but truth is that he's _scared_.

He's really scared.

"No, no it won't be bad at all," Thomas whispered, and Newt thinks he sounds a lot like he's trying not to cry.

"And you'll be there too at some point, won't you?" Newt asks, knowing that Thomas isn't really supposed to join in the Maze Trials, only watch from behind a screen.

But he needs these lies. It's the only way he'll go peacefully, with the promise of seeing Thomas again.

"I... I don't know. Yeah, I'm sure. I'll be there," Thomas's voice breaks and Newt sits up to kiss his tears away. "Newt... I think I love you."

Suddenly it's like all of Newt's worries go away. Because he's in love and he's loved back and that's all he really ever needed in life. So he smiles and kissed Thomas, and Thomas kisses him back and everything is wonderful.

"That's bloody good, Tommy. Because I know I love you."

The day before he leaves, he hangs out with Teresa and Chuck as well as Thomas. After all, he is going to miss them, too. They meet in the maintenance room and it feels empty without Alby or Minho but they're having fun and for a while Newt get's to forget about what the next day holds.

Teresa and Thomas tell Chuck and Newt the ridiculous things the scientists say and Chuck tells them about how many times he's fallen asleep in class and Newt tells them the ridiculous questions he's asked during his examinations.

And when Thomas pulls Newt to his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, Newt rests his head against Thomas's and neither Teresa nor Chuck look very surprised. They're both pretty bright for their ages.

"So on a scale of one to ten, how bad would you say Thomas's hair is?" Teresa held her hand to Newt as if holding a microphone. Newt looked at Thomas, who rolled his eyes, and laughed.

"Definitely a ten. It looks like a mop on his head," Newt grinned and ruffled Thomas's hair.

"You don't complain about it when your hands are all up in it," Thomas retorted, then froze, his eyes wide.

Newt froze too, choosing to ignore the heat in his face. He slowly looked to Teresa and Chuck, who traded a look, then burst out laughing. Newt couldn't help but join, causing Thomas to start to crack up, too.

Overall, it was the perfect way to end his day with his friends.

He had to say goodbye to Chuck in the hallway, since he'd be leaving before the other boys woke up the next day. Thomas and Teresa, however, he would see tomorrow morning.

"I really don't want you to go," Chuck said quietly, hugging Newt tightly.

"I know, bud," Newt let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes as he hugged the young boy back. "But you still have Thomas and Teresa. And Frypan. He's cool, right? Winston, too. Everyone loves you, Chuck, you'll be a-okay."

Chuck nodded and pulled away from the hug, wiping his face clean of tears. "I'll see you soon, Newt."

"See you soon," Newt smiled, and Chuck slipped through the door into the Group A barracks. Newt lived in there, but he was sleeping in Thomas's room for his last night there.

Thomas, Teresa, and him walked back to the other two's rooms quietly, all lost in their own thoughts. When they reached the doors, Teresa turned to the two boys, a stern look on her face that made Newt grin and Thomas smirk.

"I don't want to hear _anything_ , got it? If I do, I'll never be able to unhear it," She pointed a finger at them in turn, and they nodded, still grinning like fools. "Goodnight, boys," she rolled her eyes, but smiled, hugging Thomas first, then Newt.

"Night night Teresa," Thomas winked, which only made Teresa glare at him before slipping into her room. Thomas turned to Newt, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Newt raised his eyebrows as Thomas opened his door and the two stepped inside. "I need sleep, Tommy. Long day ahead of me."

"Oh please," Thomas said, closing the door and surging forward to kiss Newt. "You can sleep when you're dead." He leaned in and kissed him again.

"Don't you have some bloody maze to be looking after right now?" Newt laughed lightly, pushing Thomas's chest.

But nothing he said could stop Thomas's mouth as it wandered across Newt's face and neck. "Nah. Much rather be looking after you right now."

"I'm older than you, twat."

Thomas pulled away to smile at him, then kissed his lips. "Well, then. Start acting like it."

That's all the confirmation Newt needed to lunge at Thomas, pushing him back on the bed.

\- - -

As they got dressed the next morning, Thomas and Newt were stuck in a silence so deafening it made Newt want to throw up. He wanted to laugh and enjoy his last hour with Thomas, but the thought of what lie ahead made him feel like throwing up.

They went into the hall, where Teresa was waiting for them. She clearly had tears on her face, but wiped them away and put on a brave smile when she saw the boys. Newt smiled sadly back, and then she crashed into him, hugging him tightly.

He squeezed her back, and then she was stepping away, settling her face into a neutral expression, and Newt knew that that was for the best.

Thomas, however, wasn't so professional. He was holding Newt's hand like his life depended on it, and every time he blinked, tears fell. Newt kissed his forehead, and then the three of them set off to the lab, where Newt would get some final test done. He wasn't sure when it exactly was.

They arrived at the doors, and Thomas and Teresa stopped, looking incredibly, incredibly heartbroken. They knew something about this test. Newt frowned, confused, as Thomas slipped his hand from Newt's grip.

"We'll... we'll be right here when you come out, okay?" He whispered, his voice breaking as he cupped Newt's face.

"Tommy, why do I feel like you're saying goodbye?" Newt asked, concerned. They still had thirty minutes left.

"He's not," Teresa said firmly. "We _will_ see you when you come out. Just head on in, Newt. The doctors will take care of you," she kept her voice strong but Newt saw the anguish in her eyes. He nodded and stepped out of Thomas's hands.

Thomas grabbed him back and kissed him. Newt didn't argue, only kissed back before finally pulling away for air. "See you in a sec," he smiled. Thomas just nodded and stepped back next to Teresa.

When Newt entered the room, he saw different doctors than the ones that normal test him. They didn't look at all friendly. No one here did, but these ones even less so than the others. Newt noticed a mask by the table, instead of the usual needles.

"Um..." he trailed off, his movement stilling. "What is that for?"

"It's the final test," the doctor said impatiently, gesturing to the table. "Come on, up you go."

"What does it do?" Newt asked slowly, still not moving.

The other doctor rolled his eyes, clearly fed up with questions. He grabbed Newt and pulled him onto the table. "It erases your memory."

And with that, the mask began lowering itself onto Newt's face.

" _No_!" Newt exclaimed, ducking out of the way and jumping off the table. At first he thought the doctors were joking, but now they just looked very serious and very mad. "Oh _bloody hell_ ," Newt breathed in horror, then bolted for the doors.

That's why Thomas had been so upset before Newt went into the room.

He knew Newt would come out unconscious, and then wake in the box, having no clue where he was.

He knew that Newt wouldn't remember Minho or Alby or anyone in the Maze when he got there.

He knew he wouldn't remember what they had.

The doors pushed open easily with Newt's forced, his vision blurry with the amount of anger in him. He wheeled around to where Thomas and Teresa were standing, looking at him in shock.

"Oh yeah," Newt seethed, looking at the pair of them. "Bet you didn't expect me to come out awake! Bet you didn't expect me to _find out!_ " He yelled, then looked at Thomas directly, only feeling anger and heartbreak. "Tommy, I _trusted_ you!"

"Newt, _please_ , I wanted to protect you-" Thomas tried, tears falling down his face.

" _Protect_ me? By not telling me my bloody memory was going to be wiped? You thought it was fine I was going to forget everything?"

"It's easier this way! You're in less pain in the Maze if you don't remember, because then you won't miss anything or anyone-"

Newt lunged forward and pressed an angry kiss to Thomas's lips. "You've got that right, _Thomas_. I definitely won't miss that."

Thomas looked destroyed and Newt only felt satisfied. It's what he deserved, keeping something like that from him. Before he could do anything else, the doctors had seized him and were dragging him back inside the lab room.

"I hate you! _I hate you_!" Newt screamed at Thomas.

He didn't hear the sobs. He didn't see Teresa's tears. He didn't feel himself being slammed on the table. He didn't know the mask had lowered onto his face.

He didn't remember... he didn't remember...

A boy. He might've had brown hair. Newt might've loved him.

He didn't remember.

\- - -

Thomas watches them every day. He doesn't go to classes, he rarely eats meals. He puts on a brave face for Chuck when Chuck visits. He falls apart in Teresa's arms, muttering the same thing every time.

"I miss him."

"I love him."

"I'm sorry."

Newt climbed up the ivory walls yesterday. Newt fell and broke his leg and almost died yesterday. Thomas decided enough was enough yesterday.

"Tom, don't do this," Teresa whispered, tears in her eyes. "You- you can't leave me. Tom, I love you, I need you! You're all I have left!"

Thomas pulled the girl into a hug. "I love you, too, Teresa. But the boy I'm in love with just tried to kill himself and I need to be with him."

"You won't even remember. He won't remember."

"It doesn't matter. I'll know. There's no way I can't."

One year later, Thomas is sent into the maze.


	5. the very essence of romance is uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt could've sworn he's seen this boy before.
> 
> He looks around the Glade, trying to tell if maybe this boy just looks like someone else there.
> 
> He doesn't.
> 
> No one else looks like this boy, Newt decides.
> 
> No one else has his exact color hair or his hazel eyes that Newt can read as clear as day, the eyes that bore into Newt's and make him feel like he's something being analyzed.
> 
> He could've sworn he's seen this boy before.

_**V** _

"Bloody hell, is it time already?" Newt asked, looking up as the siren blared. That meant the Box was coming up, but to Newt it felt like Chuck had just come up yesterday.

"Yeah, man," Frypan laughs, slapping a hand to Newt's shoulder. "Let's go welcome the poor guy."

Newt grinned and him and Frypan set off towards the center of the Glade. All the newer guys were running over to catch a look at the new guy, but Newt had witnessed enough new people for the rest of his life. It was always the same.

" _Where am I? Who are you? What is that?_ "

Quite tiring.

But as second in command, his job, he supposed.

"Poor bugger," Newt muttered. "This one's got Gally's face as a welcoming."

Frypan laughed, and Newt tried pushing to the front to catch a glimpse of the Greenie's face, but then he off, running across the Glade like Minho in the Maze. Newt raised his eyebrows and looked to Alby, who was watching the runner with calculating eyes.

"Good build," Newt commented as he went to stand by their leader. "Could be a runner."

"Yeah, maybe-" Alby started, but stopped as the boy tripped and tumbled to the ground.

Newt let out a laugh and shook his head. "Never mind."

He headed back to the gardens to continue working. He helped Zart plant the new batch of carrots that had been sent up, and thought about how boring this job was compared to his last one. But he'll take it. He'll take anything after what happened.

When he decided Zart was alright on his own, Newt scanned the Glade and saw Alby talking to the new Greenie alone. He wiped his hands and decided to go over and say hello, seeing as it was probably part of his job.

"Hey, you alright, Alby?" Newt called as he walked up to the pair.

Alby grinned at Newt, then looked to the newbie. "Greenbean, meet Newt. When I'm not around, he's in charge."

"Hi," Newt smiled, shaking the boy's hand. "What's your name?"

"T-Thomas," he replied, staring intently at Newt.

 _Tommy_.

Newt blinked. Where had that come from? He was good a nicknames but that one... it felt like it had already been his brain, just waiting to jump out at the perfect time. The longer he looked at Thomas, the odder he felt. It was like an itch, but he didn't know where to scratch.

"Well... it's a good thing you're always around then," Newt said slowly, taking his hand out of Thomas's and looking back at Alby. "Listen, that was some dash you made earlier. You know, for a second I thought you had the chops to be a runner. 'Til you face planted."

Alby laughed, but Thomas just looked even more confused. "Runner?"

"Newt, do me a favor," Alby said. "Go find Chuck?"

"Alright," Newt nodded, and started heading off to where the younger boy hung around.

He could feel Thomas's gaze. Looking back, he saw Thomas staring at him until Alby grabbed his shoulder and made him face front, continuing the tour.

Newt could've sworn he's seen this boy before.

He looks around the Glade, trying to tell if maybe he just looks like someone else there.

He doesn't.

No one else looks like this boy, Newt decides.

No one else has his exact color hair or his hazel eyes that Newt can read as clear as day, the eyes that bore into Newt's and make him feel like he's something being analyzed.

He could've sworn he's seen this boy before.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed the first chapter! don't worry, thomas comes in the next one :)
> 
> also i have a newtmas playlist on spotify if ya wanna take a listen: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/13IrLhQdCHVcgyN7MQAEyk?si=4OxOlfDyShu-7miwlmyDJw


End file.
